Soon after my mother died,
I dreamed of her at night
In those dreams, she was alive
And when I woke, I tried
To hold on, to hold on to
The feeling of her love
In the dream most vivid from this time
That I can always see
My mother is standing in front of me
Staring at me, expressionless,
But with a somber, searing depth
I ask her to meet me for a meal
She does not speak
She only shakes her head no
I tell her we can split the bill
She only shakes her head no
I tell her I can pay
And we can go anywhere she wants
She only shakes her head no
But her eyes are gentle
Her face is comforting
Her love is deep
I can see it still
I can feel it still
And in that moment, in this dream
The gravity of my upside down world sank in
She would no longer be with me in the waking
But yet, her love would never leave
If only in a dream
If only in a memory of a dream